World News Korner

You guys! Bigfoot is totally real! At least that's the word from a group of researchers who have spent five years and more than $500,000 analyzing DNA samples from what they consider to be "an unknown hominin species." Dr. Melba Ketchum managed to keep a straight face as she presented the results of the Sasquatch Genome Project at a news conference Tuesday, claiming that their "serious study" of 111 specimens of skin, hair and blood from alleged Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) proved that the creature exists in North America.

"They're a type of people, they're a human-hybrid, we believe," Ketchum told ABC affiliate WFAA. "And all of the DNA evidence points to that. And they can elude us, so if you get [footage] at all, it can be fleeting." Ketchum and her crew also screened never-before-seen HD video of a reported Sasquatch that was filmed wandering through the woods in Kentucky. Despite their sort-of serious-looking reports, Ketchum's previous claims of Sasquatch DNA have been debunked by other scientists as being totally fabricated. The truth is still out there, maybe? [Source]